Increasing Intimacy in Conversation

  1. Select a topic that you want to talk about with your partner. (Not a touchy topic or problem.) Write the topic in "25 words or less." __________________________________________________________________

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  2. Write a phrase related to the topic in several of the boxes below. Be sure to include at least one box from column two.
  3. Discuss with your partner. Try to talk about as many "boxes" as you can.
  4. Now, discuss your partner's topic.
Current Facts (Describe the topic as you see it) Identify a childhood experience related to the current.
Your thoughts on the facts. (Good? Bad? The future?)
 Your thoughts and feelings about the childhood experience.
Your feelings about the facts.(Happy, angry, frustrated, pleased etc.) Values, goals, dreams, priorities
Past events or experiences related to the current Secrets, fears
Thoughts and feelings on past events Feelings about partner
Other Other
When you are discussing your partner's topic:
  • Use your listening skills.
  • Keep it going. (Avoid "one word" answers.)
  • Ask open ended questions. (Questions which start with: "who", "when", "where", "which".)
  • Say: "Tell me more." How did that make you feel?